


Sucking Face

by wyntereyez



Series: The CS Storage 24 AU No One Asked For [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alien Invasion, Aliens, Bisexual Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Blood, Dark Humor, F/M, Field Surgery, Gore, awkward alien courtship, but probably not as bad as will scarlet, human hearts, killian also seems to be missing an eye, killian is having a bad day, killian's friends are assholes, references to face eating, who is just a heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 13:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21734860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyntereyez/pseuds/wyntereyez
Summary: Immediately follows "It was only a kiss."  Killian has to deal with his new alien girlfriend, an alien invasion, and friends who would rather bicker and sneak off for a booty call than actually do anything useful.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Series: The CS Storage 24 AU No One Asked For [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1532285
Kudos: 11





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: blood, gore, body horror, face-eating… This fic won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. In fact, it won’t be most people’s cup of tea. It’s like the kind of tea that is an acquired taste that most people don’t even bother with when there’s so much out there with actual good taste. 
> 
> This is based on Storage 24. You know how Colin’s character gets his face eaten at the end? Yeah, that’s where this fic BEGINS. Killian is Mark, and Emma is the alien. It was sparked by a smartass comment about pictures from Colin’s other works being adapted for Captain Swan manips, and the idea wouldn’t leave me alone.
> 
> You've been warned. If this doesn't appeal to you, back out NOW. If you decide to read anyway for the purpose of leaving nasty comments, I’ll respond with a song. Not just a line or two; I’ll randomly select a song from my playlist and copy and paste the lyrics of the entire song as my only response. My playlist is composed mostly of ‘80’s music. Do NOT make me use “Africa” as a weapon against hate.

It was difficult to bandage one’s head when you only had one hand and no mirror, Killian found.

(He could have used the mirror in the loo just off the office, but he didn’t want to see…)  
Instead he sat in a boneless heap against the wall where he’d fallen after Emma’s first ‘kiss,’ and focused on covering the damage, his hand trembling with the strain.

Emma had watched at first, head tilted at an impossible angle, before wandering off to poke around. She was currently crouched on the service desk, disemboweling the computer and making a strange, hoarse croaking sound Killian thought might be a laugh.

Every once in a while, she’d hold something up and ask, “What is this, Mate?”

He didn’t know computers, so he’d make something up. Not like she could fully understand him when he couldn’t properly speak anymore, anyway.

He hit the end of the gauze roll, and tucked it in just below his crown (his scalp, at least, was intact; thank God, at least he still had his hair.)

Killian braced his back against the wall and tried to get his feet under him. Emma noticed and hopped to the floor, her feet momentarily becoming clawed and armored at the impact, before shifting fluidly back into human feet.

He managed to stand, but only stayed upright with the wall’s support. How was he supposed to get to a hospital like this? Would Emma even allow it? 

“I need - ” he began, when Emma suddenly snapped to attention. Her eyes turned a pupiless yellow, and a snarl rattled in her throat. She turned just as hushed voices carried from the parking lot, coming closer.

“But what if it’s still here?” Regina, her voice unusually high with panic.

“Better we deal with one than a whole pack of these things!” David said. “And at least this time, we’re armed.”

Emma’s growl deepened, and her features began to change, her mouth opening wide to reveal far too many teeth.

“Love, please,” he begged. “They’re my friends. I won’t let them harm you.”

“Your pack?” she asked.

“Aye.” His pack who had left him to die.

To be fair, he would have run, too.

They crept inside, David first, followed by Mary Margaret, Regina, and Robin guarding the rear. There was a bloody slash across David’s chest that hadn’t been there when they’d fled the storage facility, and Regina had clawmarks on her cheek.

David held the hunting rifle he kept in his truck. Mary Margaret had his service pistol. Regina had a tire iron. Robin had a bow and quiver of arrows from the archery set that had been one of the first things they’d removed from storage.

David swept his gaze over the darkened room, saw Killian and Emma, and fired off a blast. It hit the wall beside his head, showering him with plaster.

Emma roared and lunged forward, but Killian held on to her and they toppled.

“Wait! It’s me!” Killian cried.

“Killian?” Mary Margaret cried, knocking the barrel of David’s gun aside and running towards him.

Emma, now fully alien, lifted her head and snarled. Mary Margaret shrieked and skidded to a halt.

All weapons were trained on Emma, only Killian’s presence keeping them from attacking. “Take your other form, Love, it will help them accept you.”

Emma obeyed, and suddenly he was straddling a very naked, very beautiful woman in the middle of the floor.

“What the hell is going on?” David demanded. “These things change shape now?!”

“This is Emma… she’s sort of my wife,” Killian said weakly.


	2. Two

“Your wife?!” all four of Killian’s friends cried in unison.

Finally, they were doing something together instead of bickering about everything. Took them long enough.

“Well, mate, really.” Beneath him, Emma squirmed, and Killian slid off her to land face(less) down on the floor. He felt too weak to get up. He decided to stay there. “Sealed with a kiss and everything.” There was a hysterical edge to his voice. A gurgling laugh escaped him.

“We need to get him to the hospital,” Mary Margaret said, approaching him warily.

“Mary Margaret,” David began, eyes never leaving Emma, who was watching everyone warily.

“Get the first aid kit,” she ordered. Mary Margaret was a part-time paramedic as well as a school teacher, and the first aid kit she kept on hand at all times was better stocked than the usual kit.

“There could be more of those things - ” he protested.

“There aren’t. This is my territory,” Emma said. “Help my mate. I don’t like THESE noises.”

David went, and Regina followed. Robin positioned himself where he could guard both the door and Killian and Mary Margaret.

Gently, Mary Margaret pulled Killian into a sitting position, leaning him back against the service desk. She sucked in a breath when she saw the gore streaking his shirt, and the bandages that covered the entirety of his face except his eye.

Emma leaned in, too, her head knocking into Mary Margaret’s like an inquisitive dog shoving its owner out of the way.

“Are you still with us, Killian?” she asked.

“Aye. Barely.” 

“I can’t believe you’re still conscious; you shouldn’t even be alive!”

“Survivor, Love…”

Emma poked his face. Killian groaned. 

“So…Emma, right?” The alien nodded. “Why don’t we…go over here and wait for the others. I can’t do much until I can cut those bandages off.” The alien followed willingly enough, but would go no further than a few feet.

“How is it you’re human now? If you had appeared to us like this before, there might have been less…” Mary Margaret faltered. Because Emma was a murderous alien, no matter what she looked like.

“I had to grow this skin,” Emma said proudly. “First, I had to see how the organs looked, because other species notice if you get those wrong, and then I had to wait for samples. When you and the yellow one finished mating, I secured samples. I wanted his yellow hair, and I like your eyes.”

Wait…wait wait wait… “You and David were screwing around while the rest of us were loading the truck?!” Killian accused.

“Robin and Regina snuck off first!” Mary Margaret defended.

“You broke up!” Killian said, turning to Robin. “You left Will and I to carry the bloody sofa alone - ”

Emma looked highly entertained. “Shall I kill them, Mate?” she asked.

That shut everyone up.

Suddenly, Killian was seeing how useful Emma was.

“It’s all right, Love. We always communicate like this.”

“So,” Mary Margaret said slowly, “you’re like my daughter. Mine and David’s.”

“Your spawn? I suppose that is correct; this body was grown from your samples,” Emma began.

Mary Margaret hugged her. Emma turned to Killian, puzzled. “Mate, is this an attack?”

“It’s something pack does, to show affection.” He slurred the words badly. Had she even understood them?

Emma suddenly stiffened, and a moment later, David and Regina entered.

“Everything all right?” David eyed Emma suspiciously.

“Killian’s getting worse, and Mary Margaret adopted the alien,” Robin reported. “Also, really, David? I asked you here to HELP and you sneak off for a booty call?”

“Mary Margaret and I are trying to conceive! We’re on a schedule! At least it wasn’t hate sex in the Chevelle.”

BLOODY HELL, they’d done it in KILLIAN’S CAR while he was busy actually doing what he’d come for?!

“You were successful in creating spawn,” Emma said.

“I’m pregnant? Really?” Mary Margaret’s hand flew to her abdomen.

Killian wheezed a hysterical laugh, and started choking on blood.

“Shit! Where’s the first aid kit?” Mary Margaret rushed back to Killian.

David handed it to Mary Margaret. “And we got some clothes for you,” David said, handing Emma the sweats and T-shirt he kept in the truck for emergencies.

Emma hissed at them.

Mary Margaret was busy cutting away the bandages. As more and more of the damage was revealed, more and more blood drained from her face.

Finally, his face was exposed. Mary Margaret pasted on a very fake smile. “It doesn’t look that bad,” she said brightly.

David took one look and fainted.


	3. Three

Mary Margaret hurriedly turned away and began to dig through the first aid kit. “Don’t mind David, he’s squeamish.”

“He’s a homicide detective,” Killian mumbled thickly.

Mary Margaret said, far too brightly, as if she was talking to one of her students, “We’ll just get you fixed right up -”

“Don’ lie,” Killian growled. “’m not stupid. I know it’s bad.”

Mary Margaret’s shoulders slumped, and she met his eyes. Well, eye; he was becoming more and more certain he was missing one, rather than it simply being injured.

“Yeah. You’ll need a lot of plastic surgery. And your left eye…” She shuddered. “But I can close up the gouges in your cheeks, and your right side looks like it can be stitched together.”

She had him sit by the window, in the light. She carefully cleaned him, and he tried not to flinch. When she opened the sterile packet with a curved needle for stitching, he steeled himself for what was sure to be a long, painful surgery.

Bloody hell, what he’d do for some rum…

He tried to distract himself by watching Robin and Regina try to wrestle Emma into the clothing. They’d managed the shirt, but she was tangled in the pants and was growling at the drawstring and how it tightened when she tried to tear it free.

It took Mary Margaret over two hours to piece everything back together. He’d grunted, whimpered, and screamed throughout the process, but Mary Margaret somehow stayed calm, her hands steady.

Emma, now fully dressed and wearing the drawstring as a necklace, was again perched on the service desk, absently toying with Will’s heart as she watched Mary Margaret. She seemed to enjoy his whimpers.

Finally, Mary Margaret pulled a handful of gauze pads and a wrap, and bandaged up his face. “It’s not pretty, and you definitely need the hospital, but at least it should hold you together for now.”

David, who’d woken halfway through the surgery, finally deemed it safe to look over at them. “And how do you propose we get him to the hospital? We’re in the middle of an alien invasion!”

Emma finally tore her gaze from Killian. “My pack won’t bother you. I’m their leader; I will command them to let us through. And it isn’t an invasion, it’s courtship.” She hopped to the floor. “Here, Mate, don’t forget my gift to you.”

David stared at the bloody chunk of meat. “What is that?”

“Will’s heart, I believe,” Killian mumbled thickly.

David fainted again.

“Bloody hell… Now someone has to carry him. Not it.”

Everyone turned to stare at Killian as if he’d lost his mind. 

He’d lost his FACE. He was entitled to a little insanity, dammit.


	4. Four

Killian slumped into Robin, the man’s arm around his waist the only thing keeping him upright. But he was standing, and despite dizziness from blood loss and a heart pounding too rapidly to be healthy, he was going to remain that way.

Hopefully.

There might be a manly swoon and unconsciousness in his future.

They were going to walk across the city to the hospital. When Killian had asked why they didn’t drive, Regina had just laughed bitterly.

Emma had run off, saying she needed to collect her things. She’d returned ten minutes later with a gelatinous mass of stuff she claimed was her equipment. She took a fist-sized blob that oozed and pulsed and attached it over her right ear. 

The rest, she stored in a pale pink handbag with a bunny embroidered on the front. She reverently placed Will’s heart inside as well.

“You’re their leader, right? Can’t you call off the invasion?” Regina demanded.  
“It’s not an invasion,” Emma snarled. “It’s a courtship, and we were invited. And do you carry a communicator when you are mating?”

“No,” Killian mumbled, thinking about how he and Will had tried unsuccessfully to text Robin when everyone had disappeared.

Robin and Mary Margaret swapped weapons, since Robin couldn’t use a bow while supporting Killian. He’d been reluctant to pass his beloved weapon over, but Mary Margaret displayed a surprising proficiency with the bow.

Emma trotted barefoot at his side. From the way her feet clicked against the tile, he thought they must have reverted to their true shape. She took his hand in both of hers, and flashed that toothy smile. “Like a human mate,” she said. He didn’t have the energy to tell her she only needed to hold his hand with one of hers.

As they left the safety of the storage facility and into daylight, Killian flinched at the brightness. Bloody hell, it hadn’t even been a day since they’d all come to help their friends (or abandon their friends to fuck, in most cases,) but so much had changed in that short span.

And, as they passed Killian’s Chevelle (thankfully undamaged, but he’d need a professional cleaner and an exorcist to go over it and remove all trace of Robin and Regina) he saw why they couldn’t drive: the wreckage of a fighter plane was blocking the entrance, and much of the road.

A wing had caved in the moving van Regina had hired. No wonder she was bitter.

“Bloody hell! When’d that happen?!” At least none of the burning bits had landed near the storage facility.

“Right after we escaped the facility. I’m surprised you didn’t hear it,” David said. “We had to run to avoid the debris. We barely made it.” He sounded so smug that they’d come through unscathed. Big damn heroes.

“Sorry, mate, I was busy being injured and unconscious after my friends abandoned me.”

Robin stiffened beside him. “We thought you’d died,” he said softly.

“Whatever. Just get me to the hospital.”

They began to pick their slow way through the shattered Storybrooke. 

It was torture. Killian wanted nothing more than to slip into unconsciousness and let everyone else worry about getting him to the hospital. He didn’t want to see the burning buildings, the twisted metal of the crashed cars…

The bodies…

Killian watched Emma out of the corner of his eye. She showed little reaction to the sight of the bodies, even when they came across the corpses of her own people.

She caught him looking, and flashed him an adorable smile that crinkled her eyes. Her bunny bag swung beneath her shoulder.

Bloody hell… He’d always had bad luck with women, but at least none of his exes were violent monsters… How was he going to get out of this? He really didn’t want to lose any more body parts…


	5. Five

Killian slipped in and out of consciousness during their slow journey across the city. He somehow managed to stay on his feet, but he was dimly aware of Robin cursing and tightening his grip on his waist when he began listing sideways.

He was also receiving many concerned looks (and one confused one from Emma). “What is that noise?” She asked. Her voice seemed to come from very far away.

Now that she’d mentioned it, he could hear a low, broken babbling. He wished whoever it was would speak clearly or shut up.

“He’s singing. ‘Eyes Without a Face,’ I think,” David said. “Over and over again.”

Oh. He was the one making all the noise.

He couldn’t seem to stop.

“I like it better than his pain noises,” Emma said, sounding surprised.

“You should hear him when he’s well. It’s what he does professionally,” Mary Margaret offered.

“I look forward to it,” Emma said. “You will do this 'singing’ for me, Mate.”

Killian had a new groupie. Wonderful.

“Can’t you shut him up? He’ll draw attention to us!” Regina hissed.

“As I’ve said, my people won’t harm us.” She hissed at Regina in emphasis.

“No, but OURS will. Someone took a shot at David when we were trying to escape.” Regina scowled.

Emma blinked slowly. “Your race is very violent,” she said slowly.

Killian laughed hysterically.

“How far are we from the hospital?” Robin asked. “He’s worrying me.”

“About a mile. And then, who knows how long it will be before someone can see him. There’s probably a lot of people hurt worse than Killian,” David said.

“I will make them help him,” Emma said. She spat out one of those complicated alien sounds, then finished, “works at this hospital. He is one of my advance scouts and provided much of the information about your species’ biology.”

“Did she say 'Frankenstein works at the hospital?’” Killian asked.

“That’s what I heard,” David said faintly.

“An alien named Frankenstein is going to fix my face. I know what the next song I write is gonna be about.”

Killian started singing, a nonsense jumble that transitioned back into “Eyes Without a Face.” 

They picked up the pace, which was only possible because Robin picked up Killian in a bridal carry. “I’m flying,” Killian mumbled.

“You’re delirious,” Robin countered.

They were stopped once by a stunning woman with dark hair dyed with red streaks. She flashed a bloody smile and trotted up to Emma. “Good hunting, Commander?” she asked.  
Emma was smug. “I have my mate, though I have damaged him. And have you found a mate, Ruby?”

The beautiful woman nodded. “Her name is Dorothy, and she wishes to show me Kansas.”

“We are going to see Frankenstein. If you encounter any packmates, tell them that the humans are confused about our presence, and to be 'gentle.’” She wrinkled her nose in distaste. “They are more fragile than we had believed.”

Ruby nodded and hastened off.

“Well…” Robin said after a moment, “If all the aliens look like that, maybe this won’t be so bad.”

Regina smacked his arm, jostling Killian, who cried out. “Oi, fragile human here!”

They continued on.


	6. Six

Killian’s fist shot out, colliding with David’s shoulder. “What was that for?” David demanded.

“I’m flying. Like Superman.” Killian tried to straighten out his body to be more aerodynamic. No, this wouldn’t work…his head was upside-down. Robin grunted and tightened his grip. 

“You bloody idiot,” Robin said, exasperated. “It’s like trying to hold on to an eel.”

Killian abruptly changed tactics, clinging to Robin and attempting to curl around him. “You’re so strong and pretty,” he sighed. “And you’re such a good kisser.”

It was fortunate Emma had ranged ahead, because this wasn’t a conversation she needed to be part of. 

Regina scoffed. “And that’s why we’re all in this mess,” she snarled.

“Regina…” Robin began.

She whirled, fists planted on her hips. “If the two of you hadn’t kissed, we wouldn’t be here and my stuff wouldn’t be crushed under an airplane!”

“We were drunk - it was only a kiss!” Robin sputtered.

David and Mary Margaret began to inch away. Regina was swinging the tire iron wildly around in emphasis.

“Kisses are dangerous,” Killian said helpfully. Then he started screaming, and Robin nearly dropped him.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Robin cried as Emma came loping back, her mouth split to show jagged teeth.

“My hand! Where’s my bloody hand?!” He was staring at his stump in horror. His long-healed stump.

“Killian, you lost that years ago,” Mary Margaret said soothingly.

“I did?” Killian tried to twist his head to look at Mary Margaret, forgetting that he was missing an eye and couldn’t see her.

“What is wrong with him?” David demanded. “It’s like he’s high or something.”

Emma relaxed, her face settling into something less Eldritch horror. “My saliva,” she said. “Its effects on your biology are peculiar. It numbs pain, and makes your actions…illogical.”

“So he IS high. Perfect.” Robin sighed as Killian switched back to affectionate, nuzzling into Robin’s chest.

Emma’s eyes turned yellow, and she watched them, unblinking.

“She’s going to kill you,” Killian said, disturbingly sing-song.

“How far to the hospital?” Robin asked desperately.


	7. Seven

Somehow, they make it to the hospital without incident. Well, one incident, when someone took a potshot at the group. Emma took care of that problem.

David actually managed not to pass out.

As expected, the Emergency Room is packed with people in far worse shape than Killian. “That must hurt,” Killian commented when they passed someone who’d been literally ripped in half.

Emma ignored the chaos and went straight up to the nurse at reception. “Where is Frankenstein? His commander is here.”

The nurse, who was pale with wide, hollow eyes, thrust a clipboard at her. “I just need you to fill this out,” she said, her voice empty.

Emma knocked it aside. The nurse blinked. “Where is Frankenstein? He needs to fix my mate.”

The nurse was staring at the fallen clipboard, clearly unable to process what was happening. “If you would just fill out these forms…” she tried again weakly.

Emma transformed, and the ER quickly descended into chaos. Emma threw back her head and made a high shrieking sound. Killian tried to cover his ears, then screamed when he realized his hand was missing.

The ER cleared, except for a few people who were too injured to move. 

“At least now it’s a shorter wait,” Regina said.

“What is that racket?” a voice demanded irritably. A doctor with very blond hair had come out, a scowl on his face. And then he saw Emma and froze. “Oh, Commander,” he said meekly. “I wasn’t expecting you yet.”

David blinked. “Wait. You…?”

Mary Margaret was staring. “Victor? You… you’re…”

“An alien? Yup.” He turned to David and Mary Margaret. “Hey, Mary Margaret, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

“What’s going on here?” Regina demanded. “Who are you?”

“This is Dr Whale. The man Mary Margaret dated when we were separated.” David glowered.

“He’s an alien,” Killian added helpfully, because they seemed to be missing the obvious.

“That’s right,” Dr Whale/Frankenstein/alien said. “Don’t worry; it was only a brief fling.”

“You slept with an alien,” David said, horrified.

“I didn’t know,” Mary Margaret whispered.

“Was he…was he better than me?”

“I’m in a soap opera,” Killian said. “I’d like to change the channel now.”

The doctor approached Killian, looking exasperated. “This isn’t what I meant when I told you about ‘sucking face,’ Commander.”

“I was too enthusiastic,” Emma said. “Fix him.”

The doctor nodded. “Bring him back this way,” he said to Robin.

The others opted to stay behind; Mary Margaret was offering her skills as a paramedic, and David wanted to get to the station and help try to bring some order to the city.

Whale found a gurney, and they set Killian atop it. He must have blacked out for a bit, because when he opened his eye again, he was in a hospital room, and the bandages had been removed from his head.

Whale was frowning as he spoke to someone to Killian’s left. He turned to see Emma.

“… not a total loss,” Whale was saying. “There will be scarring, and the eye’s a loss, but I should be able to put him back together.”

Excellent, Killian thought.

“Good. And I’ll need you to make some improvements,” Emma said, holding out her pink bunny bag.

“Not a problem, Commander,” Whale agreed.

Improvements? What? “Wha?” Killian tried.

“Oh, he’s awake. Don’t worry, Jones, this won’t hurt a bit.” Whale winked. “Care to help me wheel him to an operating room?” he asked Emma.

Killian whimpered as they wheeled him away.


End file.
